Usually, I'm ok with my single status. I often "like" it, as strange as that may seem. Liz and I have had several conversations about this recently, and one of the conclusions we've come to is that I'm giving myself permission to be me. Not worrying about what other people think, just always presenting the version of myself that is honest at the time--happy, sad, annoyed, sick, joyous, drunk, whatever it is, I am fully embracing it. And, good things, and good people, are coming to me because of it.
Yesterday afternoon, however, I was a train wreck. I let lots of little minor annoyances get under my skin, and, coupled with the fact that I AM YET AGAIN SICK, I was not the ever-awesome Courtney you all know me to be. Insert laughter here. Go ahead, I'll wait. Yesterday afternoon, being single SUCKED. Giant hairy donkey balls. I regressed into a whiny, needy girl, and all I wanted in the world was someone to hold me. Make me dinner, snuggle on the couch with me, whatever. I needed someone to LITERALLY lean on, and there was no physical someone to be had. So, that was the persona I threw out to the world. I didn't try to hide it; I fully owned it. And, people came to help. MJ, who has years of experience talking me off of proverbial ledges, tried to cheer me. My new friend Sean (via Liz), who really didn't need the verbal diarreah I threw his way, and old friend Sean, who's braved that onslaught once or twice. And Liz, who called, barely off of a plane from a vacation with her girlfriends.
And it was wonderful, and I felt better, and I got on with my evening.
Whether this narrative is at all connected to today's song, I'm not really sure. Maybe the bit about everyone having a friend, and time healing all hearts, maybe not. But yesterday, I asked you all to slow down, find a blessing in your life. Yesterday, when I got caught up in the stupid madness, four blessings appeared and helped me through.
My Grown Up Christmas List - Kelly Clarkson(yes, I'm sorry. I'm even MORE sorry that I'm weeping during this one)
Labels: countdown, kelly clarkson